Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
