Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thus making me awesome and them whores
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
