The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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