she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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