Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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