On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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