Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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