Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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