We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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