So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
