Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
