Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
