How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
