Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
