the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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