My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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