Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
