I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
