forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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