guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
