Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
