If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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