where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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