I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
