I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
