The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
