Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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