I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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