i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
