She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
