I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
two words...techno handjob
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
