Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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