I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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