My room smells like vodka and shame
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
