will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
