people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
