Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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