Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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