the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
