You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
