the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
