There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
