no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
