Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
