the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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