I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
