The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
