you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
