Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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