So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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