I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
