My room smells like vodka and shame
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
