Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
