Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
