Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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