Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
