I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
