The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
