My liver just broke up with me...
I just pynch a tree in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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