If i come over, it means nothing
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
