I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he thought i was a dude.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
