You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
