I think I died a long time ago.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
