It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
