You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
