i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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