im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's blow job season.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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