I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
