Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
