I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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