hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
