help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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